Charles Manson: "I dig Harry Potter's 'secret message'! Bet he gets laid a lot too!"

Los Angeles, CA - Convicted serial killer and infamous 'Manson Family' leader, Charles Manson, held a rare jail cell interview with Sir Charles Putnam-Roach for BBC television.

The interview was in response to reports that Manson has devoted his entire free time to promoting Harry Potter books to other inmates and to those who are equally crazy enough to believe him.

"Hey man! The dude is cool. I'm hip to his 'secret' message that's calling the world to revolution. It's a metaphor man, just a metaphor. Yeah, just dig it!"

Manson also showed Sir Charles a copy of a letter he wrote to JK Rowling asking her to write his character into the next book.

"I want to have sex in the story with that cute little thing. What's her name? Oh yeah, Hermione Granger. I have a crappy time with that name. Why didn't she just call her Squeaky or some other easy name." Added Manson.

Manson found out about Rowling's support for 'learners' in prison. Author JK Rowling gave prisoners learning to read a "real boost" when she visited them in jail. In fact, the millionaire author presented awards to inmates at Edinburgh Prison.

Rowling, whose Harry Potter books have brought her millions of fans worldwide, was invited to carry out the honors by the Shannon Trust. The London-based charity helps prisoners learn to read.

David Hogg of the Trust said, "Prison can be a lonely place for learners like Charlie. So knowing there are famous authors like JK Rowling supporting them makes a huge difference."

Ron Paul to star in latest independant Harry Potter movie!

Wetburp, TX - Republican Presidential hopeful, Ron Paul, has looked past a failed campaign and toward a totally new career as an independent producer and leading man in a major motion picture.

Having almost $50 million dollars in un-spent campaign monies, the 10 term Congressman has invested it in a motion picture starring himself as the new Hogwart Headmaster Phinias Lipshitz. Filmed entirely in Dingleberry, TX, the location will add a new twist to a successful series of Harry Potter films.

As Ron Paul put it, "I'll get my message out to the youngsters. Besides, I've always wanted to wear a pointed hat and have a long white beard!"

In the movie, 'Harry Potter and the Fight to save the Hogwarts from the Evil NAFTA!' Harry Potter and Phinias Lipshitz fight the dreaded North American Union, NAFTA, The ultra-secret Star Chamber-like Council for Foreign Relations and other dragons that appear from nowhere and are of little consequence.

CAUTION MA-17

Rated 3 Stars of out of 10. Strong language, violence , and scenes of pure adult stupidity.


Grand Wizard Phineas Lipshitz (Ron Paul) arrives at Hogwarts

JK Rowlings to release a brand new Harry Potter book this week!

London, UK - Respected and highly successful author, JK Rowling, announced today through her publisher, that she will be adding one more Harry Potter book to her successful series.

"Harry Potter meets Abbott and Costello," is the new title claims Robecca Stanton-Harrys a spokesperson for Amazon Books.

Harry's new adventures will have him chasing a mystery, a new love, and gruesome murder that takes place in Brooklyn, New York.

'HARRY POTTER MEETS ABOTT AND COSTELLO'

The mystery deepens when Harry arrives at the 3rd floor apartment of Lou Costello and finds landlord, Sidney Fields, dead on the floor. Mike the Cop shows up to take a statement and notices Harry's eyes checking out the upstairs hottie, Hillary Brooke. All fingers point to Harry, but a hidden clue left by fruit seller, Mr. Botchagalupe, leads to the real culprit!

"I thought it a perfect match-up and it will conform perfectly to past books where greedy authors sucked the last dimes from their readers by writing cheesy sequels," quipped Howard Morton, noted book reviewer for DragonFire Press.

Publishing experts feel the release will stimulate enough sales that the current economic slowdown will vanish with-in 2 weeks! It is estimated that the author Rowlings will gross in the neighborhood of $ 16 Billion US dollars.

Harry Potter wannabees line up to give away their milk money for a new Potter book!

'Harry Potter' anime coming to TV in 2012

It is expected to be announced today that an agreement between Warner Bros., JK Rowling and Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragon Ball, has been reached for the development of a Harry Potter anime TV series to air on ABC Family in the U.S. starting in the fall of 2012.

Although they have not yet been made public, HPANA has learned that the basic concept drawings have Harry looking a bit like a young Goku (without the tail); Dumbledore looks like a cross between Master Roshi and Bulma's father; and Hagrid looks a bit like Dragon Ball Z's Ox King.

Rowling has apparently requested some minor changes be made to the renderings before they are released. We will, of course, post copies here as soon as they are made available.

The impossible physics of Harry Potter

Michio Kaku is a physicist specializing in string theory at the City College of New York; it would seem he's also a major Star Trek fan. The show, along with other science fiction classics, is a constant touchstone in "Physics of the Impossible," his latest book, which invites readers to take a romp through the barely possible. Kaku even uses Star Trek's chief engineer, Scotty, to state the book's starting point: "I canna' change the laws of physics, Captain!"

Physics of the Impossible: A Scientific Exploration into the World of Phasers, Force Fields, Teleportation, and Time Travel is a popularization of physics and it reads like nothing so much as a thought-provoking manual for science fiction writers who want to get it right. Kaku takes 15 sci-fi staples, from invisibility cloaks to robots to parallel universes, and divides them up into Class I, II, and III impossibilities. Class I impossibilities are impossible at present, but could be just around the corner. No laws of physics forbid them. Class II impossibilities might be realized if humanity lives long enough and becomes advanced enough to take on such minor public works projects as particle accelerators 10 light-years long or "laser beams as large as a solar system or star cluster."

Class III impossibilities are just plain impossible. Sorry.

But there are fewer truly impossible things than one might expect. Time travel is a mere Class II impossibility, for example. Kaku walks us through the history of and current thinking on each problem, making clear the technical hurdles and sketching out the possible solutions – all with a minimum of jargon and confusion. As long as one is somewhat familiar with, for example, what an electron is, the waters of incomprehensibility will only occasionally close overhead, and never for long. The latter chapters, dealing as they do with things at the very edge or on the other side of impossibility, are a bit heavier going.

Science fiction writers, even science-minded daydreamers, will find that instead of becoming disappointed with what is not possible they will more likely be inspired to new plot twists by the limitations of nature. Laser guns are perfectly possible ... if they are plugged in. (Until a portable power pack capable of delivering the oomph of a commercial power station is invented, space duels won't be able to stray far from the surge protector. )

Similarly, an invisibility shield is potentially possible, and Kaku explains how, but since it can't be seen through from the inside, eyeholes would be needed. Perhaps disembodied floating eyes would be less inconspicuous than a whole visible person. But then again, one could listen, or even mind-read. While we might someday be able to read the vague tenor of another's thoughts, Kaku says, the details may be forever inaccessible.

And though it may not spark any story ideas, there is a certain grim satisfaction to finding out that to make Harry Potter invisible without a special shield "one would have to liquefy him, boil him to create steam, crystallize him, heat him again, and then cool him." Take that, boy wizard.

Kaku covers a lot of ground, including a fair bit of biology for sections on telepathy and a subchapter on suspended animation, and he moves at a decent clip. This book is not for those seeking to deeply understand string theory or quantum mechanics. It delivers just enough science to back up and make sense of the upshot: Can we or can't we? If we can't, why not? And if we can, how? Because Kaku doesn't get weighed down by details, this is a good choice for someone interested in physics but timid about the nuts and bolts. It's like those cupcake tops they sell in bakeries – the yummy bits without the foundation.

"Physics of the Impossible" is an invigorating experience. Much that seems impossible, isn't. The book's reach in time and space is so immense, that there's even a slight danger of light-headedness – especially when Kaku writes of nano-spacecraft that would replicate themselves on distant planets and send more nano-spacecraft further out, creating "a sphere of trillions of these robots, multiplying exponentially as it grows in size, expanding at nearly the speed of light." Not for the faint of heart, images like that.

Kaku does sail from topic to topic a bit abruptly, and his prose has a few irritating quirks – all his sentences are roughly the same length and he's absolutely addicted to parentheses – but these are minor quibbles. It's a small price to pay for a real sense of the vastness of space, the infinite length of time, and the admirable cleverness of humanity.

Bloomsbury looks beyond Potter

Book publisher Bloomsbury has said it was confident it has a strong pipeline of new titles to boost trading in the post Harry Potter era.

The final instalment in the adventures of the child wizard saw 2.65 million copies sold in UK bookshops on the first day of release in July. The contribution from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows meant Bloomsbury's pre-tax profits jumped to £17.9 million in 2007 from £5.2 million a year earlier.

Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns were also big sellers as group revenues doubled to £150.2 million last year.

Established Bloomsbury authors with new books include David Guterson, whose Snow Falling on Cedars sold more than one million copies, Margaret Atwood, Justin Cartwright, Anne Michaels and Ben Schott.

The paperback edition of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will also be published in July, while fans can buy box sets of all seven books in the series by JK Rowling.

Bloomsbury added: "Sales across the group in the first quarter have been encouraging and we are looking to build on this through the rest of the year."

The company said it had reduced overheads and divided the group into two arms focused on trade and reference-based specialist titles - the latter being a strong growth area with lower volatility and strong margins.

Chairman Jeremy Wilson said: "Last year Bloomsbury completed 21 years, and much has been done in 2007 to position the group for growth in a new stage of its development.

"The historic success of Bloomsbury, in which Harry Potter has played a key role, has unquestionably positioned it well for the future."

Emma Watson Turns Nun

Harry Potter actress Emma Watson, 17, has got a calling from God and now realises that she can no longer go on working on the films because she must take her place in her local convent.


"I hate to leave the producers of the film in the lurch." Sister Emma told us "But I think I always knew somewhere deep inside that I would never fully be happy until I became a nun and could spread the great word of the Lord. I tried to hide my desire to become a nun for so long but I just couldn't hold it in for any longer and had to come out."

"Who would have thought it, our Emma a nun." exclaimed hunky co star Daniel Radcliffe "She goes around having sex and drinking like nobody's business and then suddenly she is bashing her bible left right and centre. At least she will look hot in her nunny outfit that will be something to hot up the monks and priests sad little lives."

Because we are annoying and because we had the inclining that Emma's sudden love of the church wasn't legit, we broke into the convent (yes we are probably going to hell- but who cares). Inside we found Emma dressed from head to foot in typical black and white nun attire on her knees praying. We left then because it seemed like it was all true, Emma is doomed for a life of good deeds, bibles and hail Mary's.

Emma Watson to be new face of Women in Waders

Well, OK, that's not strictly true. But after the Daily Telegraph reported on Emma's love for fishing, I reckon a phone call from the rubber-wear calendar people must be just around the corner.

Em has yet to do an underwear shoot (surely another imminent career milestone), so donning her smalls and a large pair of waders might at least make things more interesting, no?

Although it sounds like life round Emma's is already pretty exciting. According to a 'family friend':

"You can always expect a fresh trout or salmon when you go round to dinner with her these days. She finds it a very relaxing hobby, but it also appeals to the cunning side of her nature."

So there you have it. When she's bored of posing on red carpets in head-to-toe Chanel, Emma Watson likes to play mind games with fish. And you thought she was just another impossibly rich and beautiful teen star...

Tsk.

Oh, and P.S. The Women in Waders calendar does actually exist. Go on, Google it - you know you want to.